David Attenborough Variations

1. The fact that David Attenborough is the only person to win a BAFTA for programs in black-and-white, color, HD, 3k and 4k is insignificant.
2. You can’t be too careful with respect to David Attenborough.
3. David Attenborough uses tons the way Carl Sagan used billions.
4. Attenborough’s theory of language, centered on supremely radical literality and words-as-concrete-structures, means that (to him) a miscalculation of fish amounts to raining blows down on the miscalculated fish.
5. Have you ever heard David sing a song during a program? Even one? Very curious.
6. David Attenborough throws around “tons” like the world’s most famous naturalist throws around money.
7. Attenborough’s brute tonnage recedes inexplicably into the zebra image.
8. David has the camera zoom in on a papier mache praying mantus.
9. Time lapse photography shows David Attenborough doesn’t leave the house for months.
10. Consider the outtake of David Attenborough saying, to footage of absurd amounts of caribou moving as if an algorithm, “I’m not made of atoms, you know…”